acnee.txt

You have so many pimples blind people try to read your face. 

arrogance.txt

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass. 
So what side of your family did you inherit the asshole gene? 
Wow you’re really going for the asshole award aren’t ya? 
if i want any shit from you i'll sqeeze your head 
Why don’t you pucker your lips, it would look more fitting for all the shit that comes out of your mouth. 
I’m starting to think you have two assholes cause there is a lot of shit that comes out of that opening in your face. 

direct.txt

primitive neanderthals 
brutes 
louts 
loutish 
brutish 
prehistoric 
unintelligent 
witless 
brainless 
buffoons 
jackasses 
dumbasses 
ignoramise 
old fuddy-duddy 
twerp 
dingleberry 
dingleberries 
runt 
sally 
nancy boy 
dildo 
varmint 
hopeless cause 
fuckass 
fuckhole 
fuckface 
shitwad 
fuckwad 
shithole 
shithead 
fuckhead 
piece of fucking shit 
piece of scum 
scum slinger 
tub'a cum 
tub'a lard 
dead duck 
dirty double dealing no good low down skunk 
sour pickle 
thorn in my side 
Brown noser 
silly goose 
scoundrel 
hethen 
butterball 
porker 
porky 
spineless wimp 
smart ass 
hoser 
poser 
candy ass 
loony 
loopy 
nincompoop 
chicken-livered 
yellow-bellied 
snivelin 
belley crawlin 
gutless 
good for nothin 
low down 
atrocious 
hideous 
pecker 
pond scum 
malevolent 

so_dirty.txt

makes mud look clean. 

so_fat.txt

she makes olympic sumo wrestlers look anerixic. 
that you masturbate when looking at cookbooks 
Your Mom so fat she uses a bed mattress for a maxipad 
when she step on the Weight Scales it says...'to be continued'... 
people exercise by jogging around her! 
when she bends over, we enter Daylight Saving Time. 
NASA plan to use her to shore up the hole in the Ozone layer 
she was measured at 38-26-36 and that was just the left arm... 
small objects orbit her. 
when I tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips. 
she could be the eighth continent. 
the only thing that's attracted to her is gravity. 
when she auditioned for a part in Raiders of the Lost Ark she got the part of the big Rolling Ball. 
she make Jabba the Hutt look anorexic. 
her fave food is seconds. 
her belt size is Equator. 
she eats Desert out of a Trash Can lid 
she wears an 'X' jacket and Copters attempt to land on her 
she shows up on radar. 
she needs a map to find her butt. 
she fell into the Grand Canyon and got stuck! 
she wears an asteroid belt. 
her Passport photo says 'Picture is continued overleaf' 
the circus use her as a trampoline 
stunt agencies use her as an air mattress 
when she opens the Fridge it says - 'I give up...' 
she got a new gig at the Cinema...she works as the screen 
she once told me 'I could eat a horse'...believe me, she wasn't kidding! 
she deep fries her toothpaste. 
that when her cell phone rings people think she's backing up. 
that when you climb on top of him your ears pop. 
Yo Sis so Monstrous she uses Soccer balls for earrings. 
that you have your very own Post Code 
You cousin so fat she's on Both sides of the family. 
Yo kid brother so fat he sat on 4 quarters and made a dollar. 
Yo wife so fat she got more nooks and Crannies than a Ploughman's pastry 
Yo Momma so fat all chairs in the house have their own seatbelts. 
that "all you can eat night" at the buffet still ain't enough. 
that you'd have to use the planets as pool balls 
left the house with heels on and came home with flats on. 
that when you lay on the beach the people feel sorry for you and try to roll you back into the water. 
that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing. 
that the last time you sat on someone's lap they had to look for him in the crack of your ass. 
your bathtub has stretch marks. 
that you're belly button makes an echo. 
that you have your own postal code. 
that you should have a sign on your back that says "caution wide load" 
that cars don't have enough gas to drive around you. 
that your bikini has to be made out of two king-size bed sheets 
if you went to the top of the Empire State building planes would start to attack you. 
as many chins as a Chinese phone book 
fat as a pig 
big as a house 
fat as a cow 
She has more chins than a Chinese phone book. 
she has more rolls than Pillsbury doughboy 
You'd make a good speed bump 
You must use the highway for a slip and slide 

so_hairy.txt

you have pigtails under your arms 
that when people bend down to pet your cat they find out it's the hair on your legs. 

inhuman.txt

Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you? 
As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? 
Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice. 
Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home? 
Hi! I'm a human being! What are you? 
How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open? 
Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you? 
Are your parents siblings? 
Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental 
I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside 
I hear you were born on a farm. Hope there aren't any more in the litter 
I thought of you all day today - when I was at the zoo 
I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission 
Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadn't 
His family tree looks like a totem pole 
Their family tree don't branch 

so_old.txt

that when you went to school they didn't teach history. 
she left her purse on Noah's Ark. 
when she ran the 100 metre dash, they timed her with a sundial. 
she still owes Moses a dollar. 
when she went to school...there was No history class! 
when I asked for her ID she handed me a rock 
the fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cake 
he's got Adam and Eve's autograph 
we found cave drawings of her. 
you fart out Mummy dust 
she uses T-Rex dropping as fertilizer. 
she's got Roman Numerals on her birth certificate 

so_poor.txt

when I rang her doorbell, she said 'Ding-Dong' 
she hangs the Toilet paper out to dry. 
when I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a Rat tried to steal me wallet. 
she waves an ice lolly around and calls it Air conditioning. 
burglars break into her home and leave money. 
each night she goes to KFC to lick other folk's fingers 
when I saw her kickin a can down the road I asked her what she was doing....'Moving' she replied. 
I visited her house, tore down the cob webs and she screamed - "Who's tearing down the drapes!!!!" 
when I saw her wobbling down the street with 1 shoe, I hollered - "Lost a shoe?", and she said - "Nope...just found one..." 
she had to take out a second mortgage on her cardboard box. 
I went into her 'living room', stepped on a cigarette butt and she shouted - "hey, who turned off the heater!" 
I once threw a stone at a garbage can, and out she popped saying - "Who knocked???" 
I went through her front door and tripped over the back fence. 
You're so poor even Beggars give you money. 
You family so poor you's live in a 2-story Cracker Jack box. 
Yo Poppa so poor his idea of Desert was to go outside and collect the 'yellow snow'...and yo loved it, didn't ya! 
Yo Uncle so poor I went into his house, swatted a pesky firefly and he screamed - "Who turned out the lights?" 
Yo Nana so sickenly poor I walks into her house, asked to use the toilet and she hand me 2 large sticks. I ask what they're for and she says: "Use one to hold up the ceiling...use the other to fight off the cockroaches..." 
washes the paper plates. 
when she asked me over to dinner I took a paper plate from the kitchen and she yelled - "Don't use the good china" 
So broke that if it took a quarter to leave town, you couldn't cross the street 

sex_life.txt

Better at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner. 
If it weren't for pick-pocketers, you'd have no sex life at all. 
you get rejected so much even your yo-yo doesn't come back 
you couldn't get laid in a monkey whore house with a bag of bananas 
you couldn't get laid in a fat lady whore house with a bag of twinkies 

so_short.txt

poses for trophies! 
can see her feet on her drivers lisence! 
can do backflips under the bed. 
everything smells different to midget on a crowded elevator 
so when u were a kid did your mom have to get you two booster seats 
so short, she uses a condom for a sleeping bag 
How's the weather down there? 
can u tie my shoe, i mean... since you are already down there? 
your so short you could hand glide on a dorito 

so_skinny.txt

so skinny you wouldn't cast a shadow 
She's so skinny, she look's like a gut with the shit slug out of it. 
He's so skinny, he's only got one stripe on his pajamas. 
Annorexic 
Skinny 
Twig 
Toothpick 

so_slutty_whorish.txt

she has more pricks than a second hand dartboard 
she's had more meat through her than an abbatoir 
she's had more meat through her than a butcher shop 
her cherry has been pushed back so far, she could use it as a tail light 

so_stupid.txt

doesn't have enough brains to give himself a headache 
a few french fries short of a happy meal 
couldn't find your ass with both hands, even if your fingers were flashlights 
wouldn't know if his ass was on fire 
in a battle of wits, he'd be completely unarmed (not bright) 
if his brain was made of electricity, he'd be a walking blackout (not smart) 
the lights are on but no one is home (not smart) 
couldn't tell his ass from a hole in the ground 
so stupid that he wouldn't know a tram was up him until the bell rang 
a few crumbs short of a biscuit 
Dumb as a stump/fence post. 
fell out of the "stupid tree" and hit every branch on the way down. 
Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth? 
Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. 
Don't you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull? 
Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds. 
He is living proof that man can survive without a brain! 
He is the perfect blueprint for building an idiot. 
Sure, you're not stupid, you're just possessed by a stupid ghost. 
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it. 
I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works! 
I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there. 
I would ask how old you are but I know you can't count that high. 
I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it! 
If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used. 
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive. 
If your brain was chocolate it wouldn't fill an M&M. 
If you keep talking, someday you might say something intelligent. 
So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey. 
They have yet to make a vaccine against stupidity. 
How do you keep a moron in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow! 
you're as far from being intelligent as Earth is from Pluto. 
dumber than a bag of hammers 
dumber than a box of rocks 
dumb as a doornail 
Even a broken clock is right twice a day. 
Not enough brains to give 'imself a headache 
Two bits short of a dollar 
When God handed out brains you must have been out to lunch 
When they were passing out brains, he was out plowing the south 40 
When they were passing out brains, he/she hid behind the door 
When they were passing out brains, he/she thought they said pains and didn't take any 
When they were passing the brains out, he thought they said TRAINS 
If his brains were lard, they couldn't grease up a good size skillet 
That boy is shy a few cards of a full deck 
One brick short of a load 
One bubble short of plum 
She's not working with a full deck 
Not the brightest light in the harbor. 
The light's on but no one's home. 
Not the brightest bulb in the box. 
A few screws short of a hardware store. 
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. 
A few cards short of a deck. 
A few fries short of a Happy Meal. 
About as sharp as a marble. 
Only has one oar in the water. 
Smart as a bag of rocks. 
A burger short of a combo meal. 
The elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor. 
A few peas short of a casserole. 
A few keys short of a keyboard. 
Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree. 
The gates are down and the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming. 
As smart as a stick. 
Fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. 
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. 
Has an IQ of room temperature. 
Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel. 
Not the brightest crayon in the box. 
One twist short of a slinky. 
Sharp as a sack of wet mice. 
More numb than a frozen mukluk. 
I ain't sharpest crayon in the box. 
I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. 
They are depriving some village of its idiot. 
A few threads short of a sweater. 
A few sandwiches short of a picnic. 
Driveway doesn't quite reach the road. 
The battery is not fully charged. 
About as sharp as a bowling ball. 
Dumber than a bag of hammers. 
A few bricks short of a full load. 
A few clowns short of a circus. 
A few beers short of a six-pack. 
Dumber than a box of hair. 
A few tacos short of a fiesta platter. 
All foam no beer. 
As smart as bait. 
Chimney's clogged. 
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash. 
Forgot to pay his brain bill. 
The antenna doesn't pick up all the channels. 
His belt doesn't go through all the loops. 
Another brain would be lonely. 
Missing a few buttons on his remote control. 
No grain in the silo. 
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse. 
Receiver is off the hook. 
Has a leak in the skylight. 
Too much yardage between the goal posts. 
Dumb as a donkey. 
Not all the soldiers are marching in line. 
Dumber than paint. 
Half a bubble off plumb. 
A few fruit loops shy of a full bowl. 
Donated his brain to science before he was done with it. 
A few shades beyond blonde. 
Has to take turns for the family brain-cell. 
A few watts short of a light bulb. 
Dump as a stump. 
Running on 3 cylinders. 
A few Bradys short of a bunch. 
Has the parachute but is missing the ripcord. 
Would lose a debate with a doorknob. 
Has an IQ lower than plant life. 
All telephone, no receiver. 
One ski short of a snowmobile. 
Wouldn't know if they were on foot or horseback. 
The logs are ablaze but the chimney is clogged. 
Eats soup with a fork. 
The wheel is spinning but the hamster fell off (or is dead). 
The cheese slid off the cracker. 
The engine is running but nobody is behind the wheel. 
A few fuses short of a full circuit. 
A tire short of an eighteen wheeler. 
Doesn't have all the chairs at the table. 
Dumber than a bag of rocks. 
A shining example of why you should avoid inbreeding. 
A few pecans short of a fruitcake. 
As fruity as a bag of Skittles. 
Would argue with a signpost. 
If you gave them a penny for thoughts, you'd get change. 
Dumb as a salt shaker. 
Has a mind like a steel trap: rusty and illegal in 37 states. 
Knitting with only one needle. 
The result of too much chlorine in the gene pool. 
Not the brightest bulb in the Chandalier. 
Not the quickest bunny in the forest. 
The hard drive is spinning but the OS hasn't been installed. 
Not exactly running on all thrusters. 
A few toppings short of a Deluxe Pizza. 
A few burgers short of a barbecue. 
A few roos loose in the top paddock. 
The wind is blowing but nothing is moving. 
The umbrella is up but there's no rain. 
A few colors short of a rainbow. 
As bright as a lamp in Aladdin's cave. 
The boat doesn't have all the oars in the water. 
A few boats short of a fleet. 
A monosynaptic cretin (Don't understand it? 'nuff said) 
A few noodles short of a chow mein. 
A few bristles short of a broom. 
A few snags short of a barbie. 
Doesn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt. 
Hasn't seen the ball since kickoff. 
The relative IQ of a deck chair. 
A poster child for birth control. 
A few players short of a team. 
Couldn't hit the floor if he fell on it. 
A few sheep short of a flock. 
If you stand close enough to them you can hear the sea. 
They have an IQ lower than their shoe size. 
A few gunmen short of a posse. 
As sharp as a pound of wet liver. 
Not the quickest horse in the stable. 
Has a full six-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy that holds them all together. 
Most people drink from the fountain of knowledge, they only gargled. 
Not the fastest ship in the fleet. 
Ten cents short of a dollar. 
A few boxes short of a pallet. 
A few grams short of a pound. 
Shipped but not delivered. 
A few springs short of a watch. 
A few bits short of a byte. 
Only has half a cord in the woodshed. 
The elevator goes to the top but the doors don't open. 
A cup and a saucer short of a place setting. 
If their nose was on upside down they'd drown in the rain. 
Three ice bricks shy of an igloo. 
A few marshmallows short of a bowl of Lucky Charms. 
A few bales short of a wagon load. 
Couldn't find their way out of a paper bag. 
A few needles short of a sewing kit. 
One IQ point above brain death. 
Any slower and he'd need to be watered once a week. 
Playing hockey with a warped puck. 
All booster, no payload. 
Has some lug nuts rattling in the hubcaps. 
Nice house, not much furniture. 
Was hiding behind the door when they passed out brains. 
Dumb as a cabbage. 
Dumb as a fencepost. 
Dumber than a barrel of spit and half as useful. 
You don't know diddly squat 
The light was on, but nobody was home 
you make a great dumbass 
you make an excellent fucktard 
you make a fantastic idiot 
If you had two brains you'd be twice as stupid 
that boy is sharp as the leading edge of a bowling ball 
dumber than dirt 
He's dumber than two sacks of hair. 
dumb as a post 
One sandwich short of a picnic 
one brick short of a load 
a few fries short of a happy meal 
a few sandwiches short of a picnic 
Four aces short of a deck 
a few pancakes short of a stack 
Not the brightest light in the harbor. 
The light's on but no one's home. 
Not the brightest bulb in the box. 
A few screws short of a hardware store. 
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. 
A few cards short of a deck. 
A few fries short of a Happy Meal. 
About as sharp as a marble. 
Only has one oar in the water. 
Smart as a bag of rocks. 
A burger short of a combo meal. 
The elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor. 
A few peas short of a casserole. 
A few keys short of a keyboard. 
Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree. 
The gates are down and the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming. 
As smart as a stick. 
Fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. 
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. 
Has an IQ of room temperature. 
Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel. 
Not the brightest crayon in the box. 
One twist short of a slinky. 
Sharp as a sack of wet mice. 
More numb than a frozen mukluk. 
Not the sharpest crayon in the box 
Not the sharpest tool in the shed 
They are depriving some village of its idiot. 
A few threads short of a sweater. 
A few sandwiches short of a picnic. 
Driveway doesn't quite reach the road. 
The battery is not fully charged. 
About as sharp as a bowling ball. 
Dumber than a bag of hammers. 
A few bricks short of a full load. 
A few clowns short of a circus. 
A few beers short of a six-pack. 
Dumber than a box of hair. 
A few tacos short of a fiesta platter. 
All foam no beer. 
As smart as bait. 
Chimney's clogged. 
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash. 
Forgot to pay his brain bill. 
The antenna doesn't pick up all the channels. 
His belt doesn't go through all the loops. 
Another brain would be lonely. 
Missing a few buttons on his remote control. 
No grain in the silo. 
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse. 
Receiver is off the hook. 
Has a leak in the skylight. 
Too much yardage between the goal posts. 
Dumb as a donkey. 
Not all the soldiers are marching in line. 
Dumber than paint. 
Half a bubble off plumb. 
A few fruit loops shy of a full bowl. 
Donated his brain to science before he was done with it. 
A few shades beyond blonde. 
Has to take turns for the family brain-cell. 
A few watts short of a light bulb. 
Dump as a stump. 
Running on 3 cylinders. 
A few Bradys short of a bunch. 
Has the parachute but is missing the ripcord. 
Would lose a debate with a doorknob. 
Has an IQ lower than plant life. 
All telephone, no receiver. 
One ski short of a snowmobile. 
Wouldn't know if they were on foot or horseback. 
The logs are ablaze but the chimney is clogged. 
Eats soup with a fork. 
The wheel is spinning but the hamster fell off (or is dead). 
The cheese slid off the cracker. 
The engine is running but nobody is behind the wheel. 
A few fuses short of a full circuit. 
A tire short of an eighteen wheeler. 
Doesn't have all the chairs at the table. 
Dumber than a bag of rocks. 
A shining example of why you should avoid inbreeding. 
A few pecans short of a fruitcake. 
As fruity as a bag of Skittles™ 
Would argue with a signpost. 
If you gave them a penny for thoughts, you'd get change. 
Dumb as a salt shaker. 
Has a mind like a steel trap: rusty and illegal in 37 states. 
Knitting with only one needle. 
The result of too much chlorine in the gene pool. 
Not the brightest bulb in the Chandalier. 
Not the quickest bunny in the forest. 
The hard drive is spinning but the OS hasn't been installed. 
Not exactly running on all thrusters. 
A few toppings short of a Deluxe Pizza. 
A few burgers short of a barbecue. 
A few roos loose in the top paddock. 
The wind is blowing but nothing is moving. 
The umbrella is up but there's no rain. 
A few colors short of a rainbow. 
As bright as a lamp in Aladdin's cave. 
The boat doesn't have all the oars in the water. 
A few boats short of a fleet. 
A monosynaptic cretin (Don't understand it? 'nuff said) 
A few noodles short of a chow mein. 
A few bristles short of a broom. 
A few snags short of a barbie. 
Doesn't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt. 
Hasn't seen the ball since kickoff. 
The relative IQ of a deck chair. 
A poster child for birth control. 
A few players short of a team. 
Couldn't hit the floor if he fell on it. 
A few sheep short of a flock. 
If you stand close enough to them you can hear the sea. 
They have an IQ lower than their shoe size. 
A few gunmen short of a posse. 
As sharp as a pound of wet liver. 
Not the quickest horse in the stable. 
Has a full six-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy that holds them all together. 
Most people drink from the fountain of knowledge, they only gargled. 
Not the fastest ship in the fleet. 
Ten cents short of a dollar. 
A few boxes short of a pallet. 
A few grams short of a pound. 
Shipped but not delivered. 
A few springs short of a watch. 
A few bits short of a byte. 
Only has half a cord in the woodshed. 
The elevator goes to the top but the doors don't open. 
A cup and a saucer short of a place setting. 
If their nose was on upside down they'd drown in the rain. 
Three ice bricks shy of an igloo. 
A few marshmallows short of a bowl of Lucky Charms. 
A few bales short of a wagon load. 
Couldn't find their way out of a paper bag. 
A few needles short of a sewing kit. 
One IQ point above brain death. 
Any slower and he'd need to be watered once a week. 
Playing hockey with a warped puck. 
All booster, no payload. 
Has some lug nuts rattling in the hubcaps. 
Nice house, not much furniture. 
Was hiding behind the door when they passed out brains. 
One board member short of a quorum. 
Batteries not included. 
Lost contact with the mothership. 
A few cracker jacks short of a full box. 
A few yards short of a touchdown. 
Not the sharpest pitchfork in the barn. 
He's so stupid, he couldn't find his ass with both hands. 
You shouldn't be huntin' anything smarter than you. Try huntin' worms. 
That boy ain't the smartest peanut in the turd. 
That fellers so dumb, he don't know sheep shit from cotton seed! 
the light's on but nobody's home 
dumb as a stump 
way to go Einstein! 
If brains was gunpowder, he couldn't blow his nose 

threats.txt

I'm gonna clean your clock 
You are going to be pushing up daisies 
I'm going to shove my foot so far up your ass my laces are going to fly out your nose 
your ass is grass 
I'll hit you so hard on the top of your head that you'll hum like a ten penny nail hit with a greasy ball peen hammer 
i could drop you like a bag of dirt 
did you ever try saki? Then show em your fist. 

so_ugly.txt

face like a smashed crab 
face like a bashed in shit can 
a face that only a mother could love 
seen better legs on a table (fat, or ugly legs) 
what will you do for a face when the monkey wants his ass back? 
she/he could scare buzzards off of a meat wagon (ugly) 
if i had a dog that looked like him, i'd shave its ass and make it walk backwards 
she/he fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down 
That would scare the chrome off a bumper 
Ugly as a mud fence 
I can lose weight but ugly is to the bone 
who hit you with an ugly stick? 
Is that your face, or did your neck throw up? 
Don't you need a license to be that ugly? 
Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege! 
The only thing wrong with your face is that it shows. 
You've got a face like a saint - a Saint Bernard that is. 
On Halloween, all the kids dress up to look like you. 
you got a head on you like a half-chewed mango. 
I've seen better heads on a glass of beer 
She can't help being ugly but she could have stayed home 
You look as you've been dragged through a hedge backwards 
You look like ten pounds of smashed assholes packed into a 5 pound bag. 
My sister's soooo ugly, my mom had to be drunk to brestfeed her! 
She's so ugly when she was a baby her mom fed her with a slingshot 
That boy is so ugly he couldn't get laid in a whore house with a fist full of hundreds. 
Hit by an ugly stick 
Ugly as a mud fence 
Ugly as sin 
your uglier than a burning up donkey in the middle of winter 
I know you cain't help bein ugly...but you could at least stayed home. 
She was so ugly, she could have trick or treated over the telephone. 
Uglier than a cow's ass sewed up with a scupplin' vine 
Seen better heads hanging over a piss trough 
Q: What are you looking at? A: I can't get over how ugly you are  
when she was born the Doc smacked her face. 
you put the Boogie man outta business. 
when she applied for the ugly contest they told her 'NO Professionals' 
she looked out her window and was arrested for indecent exposure! 
minutes after she was born her Mother shouted 'What a treasure!" and her Poppa said "Yes, now let's go and bury her..." 
when they took her to the Beautician it took 10 hours....and that was just for the quote! 
they knew what time she was born cuz her face stopped the clock... 
she scared the stitching outta Frankenstein. 
we had to tie a steak round her neck so the dogs would play with her. 
I heard yer Father first met her at the Zoo. 
her shadow gave up. 
people at the Zoo pay cash so they DON't have to see her... 
her mom had to be Pissed drunk just to breast feed her. 
when born, the doctors had to fit her incubator with tinted windows. 
hotel managers use her picture to keep away the Rats. 
when she walked into the Haunted House, she came back out with a Job Application! 
even Slicky Willy Clinton refused to sleep with her... 
that when you were born the doctor slapped your mom. 
that before a mugger would rob you he'd give you his mask and make you wear it. 
your face could stop a sundial. 
that when you go to the park, people follow you around with their pooper scooper. 
you have a face like a boiled boot and a tongue long enough to lace it up. 
you look like you came second in a hatchet fight. 
your mom used to feed you with a slingshot. 
if you stick your head out the window you get arrested for mooning. 
they use you in prisons to cure sex offenders. 
they have to tie a pork chop around your neck to get the dog to play with you 
you have put two bags over her head in case one broke 
Yo Poppa so ugly he turned Medusa to Stone. 
Yo Postman so freakin ugly he made the guard dogs sh*t themselves. 
Yo Dentist so ugly they don't need anasthetics 
Yo Boss so ugly people go as him for halloween. 
Yo Priest so ugly that he have to give his Sermon from inside the Confessional Box. 
Yo Teacher so ugly when she walks into the Building Society they turn off the CCTV cameras. 
You cousin so ugly that when he threw a boomerang, it refused to come back. 
Your Girlfriend's so insanely ugly that I can screw her in any position and it's still Doggy-style! 
Yo Girlfriend so ugly they put her in the Chimp enclosure to stop the Chimpanzee's from jerking off! 
You so Ugly your Shrink makes her lie face down on the couch. 
Yo older sister so ugly that Mommy had to feed her with a fishing rod. 
Yo Mama's sister so ugly that Blind men refuse to have sex with her. 

unpopular.txt

popular as a mangy dog 
as popular as a turd in a lunch box 
Here's 20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change! 
If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide! 

weak_whimpy.txt

couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag (not very smart) 
He's so weak, he couldn't pull a sick whore off a douche pot 

bad_teeth.txt

Her teeth are so bad, she could eat an apple through a picket fence. 
She could eat an apple through a tennis racquet 
He/she's got summer teeth, some are there, some are not 
a smile like a mouth full of broken glass 
Horse teeth (big teeth) 
Oh, one of your teeth didn't come in (gap in teeth) 

big_ears.txt

Hey Dumbo 
Picking up any signals?

glasses.txt

Four eyes 

pimples.txt

Pizza Face 

short.txt

i'll have to watch where I step when I'm around you 

shuttup.txt

stop blabbin your flapper 
stop flappin your yapper 
Put a sock in it 
Zip your mouth shut 
Zip your zipper 
shut your pie hole 
Can it 
pull your lip over your head and swallow (shut up) 
pipe down 
stow it 
clam up 
take a hike 
shove off 
Are you listening - get your head out of the clouds 
stick your wanger in a meat grinder 
Go fly a kite 
You are full of piss and vinegar 
Take a long walk off a short pier 
Kiss my grits 
bushwackin 
snake-eyed 
dolt 
turdling 
cheese puff 
bottom feeder 
scum sucker 
youd nail a rock if you thought there was a snake under it 
lilliputian 
halfwit 

mud_name.txt

You're nothing but a snake in the grass 
You're dirtier than the Mississippi and twice as crooked 
Her cooking is so bad, I'd rather had a cold scab sandwich and a glass of snot. 
Her pants are so tight her butt looks like two pigeons trying to fight their way out of a toe sack. 
Her jeans are so tight, you can see the veins in her ass! 
Her behind looks like a couple of squirrels fightin' over an acorn in a gunny sack. 
She's got an ass like a ford 9". 
double bagger put 2 bags on her head in case the first falls off 
She looks like a unmade bed 
Look what the dogs have dragged in and cats won't eat 
If she had one more freckle she would have to carry it in the palm of her hand 
If she would screw her head back on straight she might not have to walk sideways 
So country he still has cordwood on his breath 
Comebacks for short people - The bigger they are the harder they fall. 
I bet your mother has a loud bark! 
I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying. 
That boy's momma shoulda hit him in the head and sold the milk! 
Ears that look like a taxi cab with both doors open 

douche.txt

fucking douchebag 
pitch a loaf 
could find your way out of a wet paper sack 
couldn't get a date with a bag of dirt 
couldn't get a date with a sack of shit 

dumb.txt

retardus maximus 
stupidus maximus 
you got your stupid meter cranked all the way up to full blast 
Dumber then a coal bucket 
Dumber than dog shit 
Got more chins than a Chinese phone book 
You look like refried shit 
You look like you been drawn through a knot-hole backwards

You're so blind you would miss a crawdad playin' cards with Ray Charles. 
vile 
vermon 
suck a fart 
battle axe 
massively obese and excessively voracious 
Beat you like a red-headed step child 
I’ m going to beat you like a rented mule! 
I’ m going to jerk a knot in your tail 
I’ m going to kick you six ways from Sunday 
I’ m going to stomp a mud hole in your ass and walk it dry 
Gonna whup you like a redheaded step child 
If I had a dog that looked like you, I’ d shave his ass and make him walk backward 
I’ ll be all over you like a cheap suit 
I’ ll be on you like a hobo on a ham sandwich 
I’ ll be on you like a swarm of bees 
On him like flies on shit 
He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down 
He ran through the ugly forest and hit all the trees 
He was so ugly they had to tie a pork chop around his neck to get the dogs to play with him 
He’ s so ugly. When he was a baby, his mom carried him upside down for a year thinking he only had one eye 
His daddy must have also been his granddaddy 
She can’ t help being ugly but she could have stayed home 
She is so ugly I wouldn’t fuck her with a borrowed dick 
She looks like death eating a cracker 
She’ s so ugly, she could scare the maggots off a gut wagon 
She’ s so ugly, when she was a baby, her momma had to feed her with a slingshot 
So ugly looks like it’ s been chasing farts through a bag of nails 
So ugly she could cook naked at deer camp and nobody would notice 
Ugly enough to make a freight train take a dirt road 
Ugly as a hat full of assholes 
Ugly as a mud covered fence with a crow on each end 
Ugly as homemade sin 
He’ s so stupid his parents should have hit him in the head with a hammer and raised a pig on the milk 
The boy would have to get smarter’ just to be stupid 
dumb as a coal bucket 
Dumb as a bag of hammers 
Dumb as a box of rocks/bag of hammers 
Dumb as a fence post 
He’ s dumb as a stump 
Dumber than a box of rocks 
Dumber than a coal bucket 
Dumber than a leaf of lettuce 
Dumber than a potato, so we called him Spud 
Dumber than a sled track 
Dumber than a wedding invitation 
If she was any dumber, we’ d have to water her 
She’ s got a face like a blind cobbler’ s thumb 
She’ s got a face that could scare the skin off a snake 
She’ s got two brains – one’ s missing and the other’ s out looking for it 
She’ s so fat it takes two dogs to bark at her 
She’ s so horny when you’ re fingering her it feels like a horse eating an apple 
She’ s so skinny fucking her would be like fucking a bag full of elbows and antlers 
She’ s so stuck up, she’ d drown in a rainstorm 
That girl could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch 
That girl looks like she could eat an apple through a picket fence 
That girl looks like she could eat corn on the cob through a picket fence 
The most do-less man I ever seen 
So poor if it took a nickel to get around the world I couldn’t get out of sight 
So poor they’ d skin a flea for its hide and tallow 
So poor we went to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people’ s fingers 
So short he could sit on the floor and dangle his feet 
So short he’ d play handball off the curb 
So skinny he can stand under a clothes line in a rainstorm and never get wet 
So skinny they had to turn around twice to throw a shadow 
So thin he has to stand twice in the same place just to make a good shadow 
So thin, if she turned sideways holding a glass of tomato juice, she’ d look like a thermometer 
So fat he’ d have to send out a search party to find his dick 
So fat it takes two dogs to bark at her 
uglier than 1000 toads on a mud fence 
Uglier than a homemade baby 
Uglier than a sack of smashed assholes 
Uglier than three pounds of shit in a two-pound sack 
I wouldn’ t fuck her with a borrowed dick 
battle axe 
Her mouth is going like a bell clappin out of a goose's ass. 
The last time I saw a mouth that big it had a hook in it. 
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time? 
Boy, when you got nuthin' to say, you say it. 
Her ass was so big, it looked like two Buicks fighting for a parking place. 
That girl is like a doornob...everyone gets a turn. 
Yer mouth runs like a boarding house toilet. 
She's put so many miles on that pussy that it's just hanging open like a pea-coat sleeve. 
make like a tree and leave 
It's autumn in her mouth and all her tongue can do is rustle! 
She claims she's middle-aged, but she's been around since Jesus was a baby 
She had a voice that would chip paint 
She'd bitch if her ice cream was cold 
She'd f*%k a snake if you'd hold its head 
she's been hit with an ugly stick 
she's not the brightest bulb on the patio 
you're dead meat 
as welcome as a fart in a phone booth 
if someone's going to act like a complete son of a bitch and treat me like the absolute scum of the earth 
i'm not going to twist your arm but i might give you an indian rug burn 
if someone flicks you off say, "that's probably the size of your dick" or something similar